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Also known as classic Goverment scaremongering.

This information was taken from the official site, Its all basically bullshit to try and scare you into paying. http://www.tvlicensing.co.uk/information/

The one that didn't get away

An Enforcement Officer could see the TV in use from the road. The householder said he did not have a TV. The officer said he saw the TV, to which the householder said that what he saw was not a TV but a fish tank. The officer then asked if the fish was called Michael. The man was mildly amused and relented.

Comedy timing

While visiting a property that was listed as not having a TV Licence, one of our officers could see through the living room window that there was a TV there. He couldn't get an answer at the door, so decided to call back later that evening. When he came back he walked up the garden path behind a man. The man rang the bell but didn't get an answer, so he shouted through the letterbox, "It's okay, it's only Steve. It's not the TV Licensing man." The door was duly opened and, when the owner of the house asked who the Enforcement Officer was, he replied, "I'm the TV Licensing man."

The red light - destroyer of damp

A woman claimed to the Enforcement Officer that she did not have a TV, even though he could see one behind her in the corner of the room. When he asked her about it she exclaimed, "Oh, that one...it's broken." He told her that there was a red light on at the bottom. She replied "Oh, that wee red light? I just keep that on as it keeps the damp from getting into it.".

Milking it

An Enforcement Officer knocked on the door of a suspected evader and asked if he had a TV, to which the owner said he did not.

The officer then asked, "Well then, why have you got a satellite dish on the outside of your house?"

The man looked down and said with a grin, "I have two pints of milk on my doorstep, son, but I don't have a cow in the garden!"

Sky or SKY?

When interviewing a woman in London, an Enforcement Officer asked during the conversation if she had Sky. "Yes," she replied. He proceeded to ask her what channels she watched on Sky and she answered, "I haven't got Sky." A little confused, the Enforcement Officer reminded her that she had just told him that she had Sky. "Yes, that's right. She's in the pram," she replied, pointing to her daughter.

The vicious tomcat

A young woman said that she didn't have a television and the Enforcement Officers asked if they could check. The woman said it was safe only as far as the hallway, as she would have to remove her cat, which was vicious towards strangers. The officers said that they would take a chance, but the lady insisted that it would be too dangerous, so the officers were left in the hall while she disappeared into the lounge. At that moment a ginger tomcat appeared from the kitchen. The officers stood rooted to the spot as this feline meowed and purred towards them, and then started to stroke itself against their legs. At the same time, the movement of furniture could be heard from the lounge, only to be interrupted by the occasional call of, "Come here Tilly, you naughty cat" and "I won't be a minute, I've nearly caught him."

The officers by this time had picked up the cat and were playing with it. One of them called through the door, "What colour is the cat?" The lady replied, "Ginger, with a red collar."The description perfectly matched that of the cat in the hall. A minute later the lady appeared saying that it was okay to enter, so the officer returned the cat to her and retrieved the television set from the balcony.

Supersonic detection

While visiting a property that was listed as not having a TV Licence, a woman answered the door together with some young children. The woman apologised for being in such a fluster and explained that she had just moved in and was on her way out to collect her other children from school.

The Enforcement Officer asked if she had managed to get a TV Licence sorted. She said she had and she knew exactly where it was - in a shoebox on top of the wardrobe in the upstairs front bedroom. She asked if he could call back later.

When he returned, the woman's husband answered the door. The Enforcement Officer asked if he could see the TV Licence. The man explained that they were in a bit of a state as they had just moved in and he didn't know where the licence was, his wife normally looked after that sort of thing.

At the exact moment that the officer explained that the licence was in a shoebox on top of the wardrobe in the upstairs front bedroom, a detector van drove past. "Flippin' heck," the man said, "I knew your detector vans were good but I didn't know they were that good."

The sick cat

A woman claimed that the reason for her not having a TV Licence was because her cat had got sick down the back of the set and blew it up.

I don't live here

Most Enforcement Officers come across the excuse "I don't live here". It is surprising how many are men dressed only in boxer shorts with nothing on their feet and have "just popped round to feed the dog".

The wife

The most common reaction from men confronted by TV Licensing Enforcement Officers is, "Oh, I thought my wife was dealing with it."

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